Seeking Hebrew Teacher

I am seeking a Hebrew teacher. I lived in Israel in 2018 and 2019, obtaining an advanced intermediate level of Modern Israeli Hebrew in the process. I abruptly left the country and fairly promptly forgot almost everything over the last two years. However, attempts to re-familiarize myself have encouraged me that I could reacquire what I had fairly quickly.

I am retired US Army, 49 years old, from the Infantry, Artillery, and Intelligence Branches. My final qualification was as a HUMINT Asset Manager (“spymaster” in Hollywood parlance). I am also a former eremitic Anglican Dominican Friar. I now currently work as a blogger, poet, and author. I’ve been living in Airbnbs for the better part of a year now in Mexico, Spain, and Serbia, where I am currently staying.

I would prefer a female teacher to a male, though I would require a female teacher to be relatively fearless, and would much prefer a male teacher to a fearful female teacher. A female teacher who is hot like the one in the picture above this ad is permissible, as personal chemistry between male and female colleagues and platonic friends always enlivens conversation. However, unless angels descend from heaven with swords and shields declaring this Hebrew teacher to have been ordained by God to be my mate, there will be no romance or any overtures for such. My amorous sensibilities are in fact the emotive personification of Zeno’s Paradox, with my heart itself a Gordian Knot of Olympian dimensions.

Fearful females with lots of barriers need not apply. If you respond to strange situations, unusual people, challenges, adversities, or opportunities of any sort with catatonic silence, please stay as far away from me as you can. This particularly applies to those who do not respond to phone calls, text messages, or other forms of communication. I am dealing with a particularly portentous person in my life who responds to nothing. Also, non-responsive people have been turning up on my path lately almost as literary lessons delivered to me from some cruel otherworldly entity, and if I cross paths with one more such person I will very likely jump out of this fifth story window I am looking at.

Concerning males, attitudes of progressive values that tend toward the philosophical are always appreciated, but leftist Bolshevik moral superiority is not needed, nor is the perspective that a hatred of God is somehow intrinsically tied to moral enlightenment. I tend to be rather verbal and psychological (hence why I get on well with chicks), and talk with my male friends with unusual intimacy about various topics. This does not mean I am gay, however. I am almost to the point of stating that gay guys need not apply, but I just haven’t reached that level of exclusivity at this time. I will say that I do not at any point, ever, under any circumstances, want to be hit on by a gay guy. I have a long and frustrating history with that.

So yes, females, even hot ones, followed by cool dudes with open minds, are ideal teachers for me. Scared females with barriers, yearning gay dudes, and unresponsive people are unwelcome. I also have a preference for teachers that actually live in Israel.

This will be a paid position. I would like to negotiate price and schedule privately with those interested. I’m still working out issues of exactly how many hours per month I want to commit and exactly how much cash I am happy to part with monthly.

On a final note, I do not demand a high degree of profesional acumen. I myself have learned Spanish and German in my personal life, and have learned and forgotten Russian and Arabic over the course of my military career. I have also been studying Biblical Hebrew and Classical Greek off and on for years. If you’re not a great Hebrew teacher, I will teach you to teach me Hebrew. The only thing I really need from my Hebrew teacher is to be a cool human being – something that has very nearly vanished from the earth.

I can be contacted at +1 (480) 282-0008. My preferred communication app is Telegram, and my Telegram account is available at that number.

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