My bicycle was stolen yesterday. $3,900 with tax. Wasn’t even paid off. They took it from in front of Nordstroms in Santa Monica at 3 PM from where it was secured, right next to a valet attendant. It was secured with a level seven hex link security device.

They’d have needed a buzz saw to cut it. The only rational explanation is that I secured it improperly, though the whole scenario begs one to think that there actually are Illuminati agents following me around trying to destroy me, or that black magic is real, and some witch somewhere has put a hex on me.

But we shall not fall into paranoid delusion. I had to have messed something up when I was locking it. So I took a Lyft back to the co-op and called my mother, who I fell into a screaming depressive rant with, then I went inside and slept the rest of the day and night.

I don’t have anything else to say at this time. My riding club was the only cool thing I had going on.


    1. This was a travesty. I didn’t put a Smart Tag on it because Samsung Smart Tags don’t work, and nobody sells them. I need to switch to iPhone.

      I didn’t get home owner’s insurance at this place because the lease was so short. Bicycles come under home owner’s insurance.

      I am really down about this.

      I still have my gravel bike for transportation. But this is just a “Jonathan just can’t have nice things” lesson. And my only cool thing here was my riding club. Seriously. In 10,000 miles I never failed to lock a bicycle. I mean, could it be malicious little elves?

      And notice it happens JUST as I get to the quiet new place where I had Just started decompressing after the Lilith Gossip Mafia.

      I ranted my brains out and slept it off. I feel okay. But JEEZE this is a violation of the law of probability. I haven’t had things go this wrong since 2012. This may be worse. Chloe > Lilith attack #1 > Lilith attack #2 > Lilith attack #3 > Pro race bicycle stolen 20 feet from a valet with hundreds of people around.

      I mean, I guess my landlord is happy I am at least getting wrecked by things that don’t have anything to do with his co-op.

      I don’t have enough perspective at this time to determine what it means. But I’m the poster child for Murphy’s Law. I mean, they say God humbles the proud, but I haven’t been very freaking proud lately.

  1. I have a bike that you can have. It is at least 30 years old but it works just fine. Love Dad

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