Gnarls Barkley?

Yes, you’re crazy
Yes, I’m twice as crazy as you
When I try to forget you, I just get three times as crazy as you
When you play your latest song, I get four times as crazy as you
I’m headed for Dillon Thomas, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway if you stay lazy
And don’t shoot me a line, which is pretty much the only thing that will save me

Daddy said a prayer that God would give me total and utter healing
But when God sent you as the cure, daddy got a bad feeling
Because nobody knew with whom they were dealing
And we all know that the orphan is safe, the widow is safe, but look out for the stranger
Because NBC, CBS, CNN, ABC, #metoo, and Lorena Bobbitt know that guy is the danger
Monks looking for Hebrew lessons can only want to bang her

Months later, when daddy sledgehammered my PTSD trigger
The craziness just got bigger and bigger and bigger
I pretty much ran through every grade on the emotional spectrum that a human can pursue
Sure, there was a day when I wanted to fuck you through
Have you talked to a magic mirror lately? What do you think it would do?
But really, young lady, at this point all that remains is unqualified love for you
I don’t even understand it, and of course daddy would hopelessly misconstrue

Let’s not even talk about the day your disparagement sent me shrieking into that den of thugs
Where of course, inspired by the wisdom of Scooby Doo, I sought an hour’s salvation with drugs
Where I encountered a philosophical conundrum while my mind was being eaten by bugs
And illuminati agents greeted me with bowls of Hershey Kisses and deceitful hugs
A perfect storm of twin hurricanes named Ouwerkerk and Christianson pouring out of jugs

But God in his grace ultimately calmed me down to the level of mere creepy stalker
Where I did the typical things dudes tend to do to get a chance to talk to her
Thinking maybe by some spirit of charity, I could get some help returning to reality
Looking for a bit of real live conversation to extricate fact from fantasy
But all these upstanding pillars of the community Christians wouldn’t help me
Your brother Jonathan wouldn’t even relay a message
I have no earthly idea what that sort of attitude is supposed to presage

But the months are going on and on and on
And I am rebuilding synapse by synapse, neuron by neuron
Until you play a song
Then the bats explode out of the belfry, and I am once a gain a lunatic dingdong

Now I’ve told you day in and out that I’ll love you forever
That I’ll never hate you, always be there for you, never forsake you, never never ever ever
If you ever called me, you’d be shocked at how easily I’d heal
It’d just be a spoonful of sugar with a thermometer and a teacup of something real
It’d even be cool and casual, something with which pretty much anyone could deal
Craziness would boil away and we’d be left with something that might even be pretty cool
You’d see, none of my friends have any idea that I am a PTSD traumatized dopehead fool
They pretty much all only speak Spanish
Can’t be bothered to read any of this English
They haven’t even begun to suspect that I have this side of me that’s so emotionally garish
It seems to pretty much be compartmentalized within my absent Dutch padawan’s parish

Even so, I am utterly convinced that some thread of my understanding of you is true
I know mommy, daddy, Jonny, Davey and Levi insist I know nothing of you
But I think all parties would be more than a bit surprised to find out that I actually do
Not that it’s any kind of hard and fast requirement that I really need to
Because agape is consideration and commitment without specific predication
So if you turned out to be a bitch, I would just try to make you less of one without hesitation
Or just chill and accept your flaws while smiling in copasetic resignation
I mean for goodness sake I live on the other side of the planet in a faraway nation
I would only try to get deep into your life with your approving provocation
Yet nobody anywhere sees any sort of value in your having your very own Jedi master
Who with as little as some monthly texts could help you get a handle on life better and faster
But would also fly across the stars to help you if your life were struck with disaster
They can call me crazy all day if they want, but you’re as important as my own daughter
Or foxhole partner or lover or mother or father

John the Baptist – Nutjob
Francis of Assisi – Nutjob
Joan of Arc – Nutjob
Nicolai Tesla – Nutjob

Pat yourself on the back
You’re a genius
So am I
I’ll show you the ropes

Concerning things of God, the best things in life are the weirdest, but are also quite rare
Hatred, banality, pointlessness, and suffering are an all-day everyday affair
But I know those around you will try their hardest to convince you not to care
So I have one mere and paltry humble request to share
Please leave your playlist to lie fallow
Because if you keep this up, they’ll find me hanging from the gallows
There’s a place with your name on it stowed deep within me
Like a black hole supernova megastar galaxy
But I’m trying to lead a life as a retired ex-military literary gringo
An hour from the beach and north of the biggest lake in Mexico
Playing on my iPad while sipping a mojito

I’ve told you so many times I’d never let you go
But if you don’t want me, just keep me freeze packed under the snow
Thaw me out when it’s time for the rooster to crow
Be on your way to find for yourself the best way to grow

I love you
I’ve never harmed you
Be kind to me and help me
Or put me away mercifully

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