The Blowjob (the Tenth Chapter)

Maestro, you may think that my view that men are seen as the great abomination of creation is too extreme. But, as I told you in previous e-mails, I have a history with the Army that convinced me that my point of view isn’t exactly off the mark. To say it frankly, the U.S. military is an organization without any form of law. There are only the policies and regulations of high-ranking officers. According to these policies, “inappropriate behavior” is a crime. Anyone, in any situation, can define what ”inappropriate” means. I experienced two events in my career where I discovered the effects of this. I’ll tell you about the first of them today.

The first one happened in 2005 during my first tour in Iraq. At the beginning of that year, I was a guard force commander at a small base north of Baghdad, near the famous “Hershey Highway” where much of the slaughter of the war took place. There had been many attacks by Al Qaeda terrorists. I was just a lieutenant. I shared my position with another officer, Lieutenant John Scheidt. I lead the day shift and he was the night commander. We had about 40 soldiers sitting in the towers of the wall around the base and at the gates. John and I were in the command center at the biggest gate, with some sergeants and radio operators staffing the headquarters. Also, we had a very beautiful Iraqi translator who was only 18 years old.

Do you remember, maestro, that I had studied the Arabic language? Thanks to this I was able to practice my Arabic with the translator, as well as with the Iraqis who entered the door. While I became good friends with the young interpreter –we talked laughing about many topics during our shifts in the HQ shack, she specialized in sucking Lieutenant Scheidt’s dick after hours, and all without violating her faith in the prophet Muhammad. Since she was a pure virgin, her dogmas ensured that she was suitable only for fellatio.
Naturally, the command had heard gossip about this and began an investigation. I was married and denied all inappropriate behavior because I had done absolutely nothing. I hadn’t even seen the translator anywhere except at the command center. Since sex with Iraqis was prohibited, the matter could mean the end of an officer’s career. At first Lieutenant Scheidt clammed up and admitted nothing, but eventually he confessed everything. In the end, the general was impressed with Scheidt’s honesty.

After the investigation, I saw the reports of all the soldiers they had interrogated. None of them had understood a single word of what the translator or I had said in our conversations, but in their reports they said that we seemed to have a prohibited relationship because we laughed constantly. We were having a good time talking about a variety of topics, but no one understood that, so they just assumed we were forbidden lovers.

That’s why in the end Scheidt and I received the same punishment, although I never got my dick sucked in Iraq. Anyway, it wasn’t much. Just a degrading letter from the general referring to “unacceptable behavior.” Schiedt got this letter, for having broken a very important rule about not romancing potential enemies. But since her honorably confessed his fault he just got a slap on the wrist. I got this letter without having done anything wrong, but they were suspicious, and they presumed I was a shameless liar who refused to confess my guilt.

It was all the fault of gossip spread by ignorant soldiers who wanted to wreck an officer. Unfortunately for me, I had done nothing and told the truth. In fact, this event was the inspiration for the stanzas of my poem that I sent you in the previous e-mail:

He knew how he would be crucified
Ever since the dust-covered and war-torn months of 2005 

When his colleague trampled his nation’s honors
By the mouth of the enemy fellatiated
Our world-worn hero’s face was too ugly to be next to hers
So their answer was that he be castigated 

However, this episode was nothing compared to the delightful treatment I received from the Army after my second tour in Iraq. That’s when I got PTSD. I originally wanted to write you an e-mail about my problems with women in the military: the 2005 event and the one that generated my leaving the Army with PTSD.

When I left the army, I promised those son of bitches I’d write a book about all the shit they put me through. I told them their names would be included. Maybe writing these things to you will help me accomplish that goal somehow. But it seems a good recounting of all this will require more than one e-mail. I do not know how much I can relate here, but I know that I will gladly tell you the names of the most stinking swarm of liars and criminals in the world: the honorable military officers along with their distinguished psychologists from the Western Regional Medical Command and Joint Base Lewis-McChord.

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