Drawn and Quartered

Decades in the making was the thing that didn’t happen
The random paths afforded by life seemed to have a direction
Then there were all those years of waiting
Only to destroy it because confusion was dominating

I have a daughter in Germany
I didn’t send her there
I can’t help thinking she might need me
But if I went over there, would she even care?

I have family in the Southwest
Particularly Chloe, since I wonder where she is going
What she plans on doing
Because she hasn’t even discovered her quest

I’m writing a book in Spanish, and I have a woman south of the border
Who came into my life when I was lost and looking for order
Who could soon be my girlfriend
While I write about a different girl, the one who wouldn’t be my friend

I have a teenager in the land of my destiny
Who has all but forgotten me
The thread who was supposed to tie me to where I was meant to be
Is just a memory
Probably entirely fantasy

What is a person supposed to do with loved ones scattered everywhere?
With a thousand lives begun over here and over there
Oh God above, couldn’t you have just inspired Noah to act like your disciple?
Just once – she wouldn’t even have had to put her hand on the bible
Then I wouldn’t be tearing out my hair
I honestly don’t know how you can still expect me to care
When I ask what you want me to do, and the world returns a blank stare

She never knew how much I needed her – nobody did
Or even what I needed her for
You were the only one who knew – but you kept your knowledge hid
Nobody received inspiration
Nobody had any indication
So my face was slammed into a closing door

I can’t act like I have a purpose of any sort
If you always have the same holy retort
Of making everything into an exercise of nothing
Because if anything is ever going to happen
Sometime, in some way, somebody is going to have to do something
And for that to take place, you would have to act like a king

If I forget about the girl and just go back to Israel
I’ll be instantly reminded of how my life there was hell
Trust me, that’s the familiar sound of your divine little bell
With no teudat zehut trying to fill a car with gas
What a pain in the ass
I simply cannot justify another season
Of living somewhere for no reason
With nothing but memories of those who befriended me with treason

If only the Dutch girl would call me and tell me what I should do
So I can finally feel like I am doing what I am supposed to
Can you inspire her to do that?
Can you pull that out of your hat?

Because I’ve been drawn and quartered

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